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Infertility and Intimacy: 5 Ways to Keep the Passion & Connection in Your Relationship

Skip the chocolate and flowers, this year let's reignite the spark that brought you together in the first place.

Infertility has a distinctive way of making physical intimacy a mandatory event and a chore instead of a space for deepening our connection to each other. How many of us have heard, “you’re complaining about having sex??” when so many of us feel like our spark is fizzling out? They may not get it, but we do. Here are 5 tips from our therapists that can help you reconnect with your partner and create a more loving and supportive relationship.

#1 Try planning something you both can look forward to-

Having something on the calendar you can both get excited about is helpful in promoting intimacy in your relationship. Is there a new movie coming out you both would like to see? What about exploring a city you haven't been to? You could also re-create your first date.

#2 Try incorporating more non-sexual physical touch-

Connect with your partner without the pressure and complexity that sex (during infertility) can bring to your relationship. Here's some ideas:

  • Cuddling/spooning

  • Back massages

  • Holding hands

#3 Try extended eye-gazing-

  • Sit in a comfortable position & face your partner.

  • You can hold hands or touch each other if you’d like.

  • Set a timer for your desired amount of time. Look into your partner’s eyes.

  • Breathe deeply & allow yourself to blink. Keep your gaze soft and try not to look away.

  • Break your gaze when the timer goes off.

#4 Have compassion in your communications-

Remember that infertility involves grief and each partner is often at a different stage of grief.

Give your partner space to communicate what they are feeling without judgment. 

#5 Replace routines with dedicated time focused on each other-

Let’s build that connection by:

  • Put your cell phones away

  • Talk without problem-solving

  • Invest into time with each other

Infertility can be a challenging and painful experience, but it doesn’t have to define your relationship. We hope these help you to nurture your intimacy and connection with your partner, and to celebrate your love and commitment. 

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