Mother’s Day… a day many women look forward to for a chance to be recognized for all the hard work and dedication they put into their families. A day of gift giving, food consuming, and if the weather is good (and we’re not in the middle of a pandemic), spending time outdoors with family. It’s such a nice, appreciated day for many. But what about the rest of us?
What about those of us who aren’t mothers but so desperately want to be? Those of us who have gone through multiple blood draws, poked ourselves daily with needles piled with hormones, or all the procedures and surgeries to try to get pregnant? Not to mention thousands of dollars spent pursuing said treatments or adoption. For any of you in ANY of those situations, we know Mother’s Day can be one of the hardest days of the year. Feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness replace any good feelings that might be felt. So, how can you get through it? Here are some suggestions:
Give Yourself Permission To Say “No.” This year it will actually be easier to avoid parties because of the social distancing situation, but if you do get an invitation to go somewhere, remember it’s ok to say “NO” and spend the day at home. You can find another way to honor your own mother without putting yourself in such a vulnerable situation by asking to spend time, just the two of you on another date. This idea can also apply to church or other social gatherings. If gatherings are unavoidable, plan and prepare ahead of time. What are family members likely to say? Who is going to ask the awkward questions? How would we like to respond? Can we arrive late/leave early? Discussing these things with your partner and planning ahead of time can make the situation more manageable.
Plan Some Self-Care Time. This Mother’s Day may not be ideal for you, but what are some ways it could be better? Plan an All-About-ME/self-care day/weekend. Make a list of what YOU want to do and make it happen. This could include taking a bubble bath, going for a hike, reading a favorite book, staying in jammies all day, spending quality time with your partner, or watching 6 hours of Netflix! Whatever it is, do something that makes Mother’s Day a day filled with more of what you want.
Focus On Your Mother (Or Another Woman You Admire) And How You Want To Honor Them. Taking the focus off of yourself and thinking of ways you want to serve or give to your mother is a good way to take your mind off of your current situation and give back to others. Try to think of something fun you could make or something that would be meaningful to the both of you - maybe a project you have wanted to do but haven’t found the time?
Talk To Someone. While it is hard to believe at times, you are not alone in this journey. Find others to reach out to and talk with. This could be a trusted family member or friend, or maybe you know someone else struggling with infertility. If not, remember that UIRC has online Facebook Support Groups you are welcome to join anytime! It is a loving community with people just trying to navigate the family building journey, like you.